So my mom had her surgery as scheduled and I didn't get to see her for almost 5 hours! and her surgery only took about 2! OMG I think I drove the receptionist mad because I was like.. have you heard anything about my mom I haven't heard anything in 5 hours and I just want to know where she is in this hospital! Well she was in the pacu, they had just took her out of the anesthesia and apparently my mom is a fighter with anesthesia because she was fighting with the nurse haha. But she's doing ok and she was in so much pain so I called Jackie, the Orthopedic Surgeon's nurse (they are both amazing) and told her she's in pain and they kept her overnight with a PCA pump so she can get morphine every hour/every time she pushed the button. It did make her feel better which is a good thing! I was able to pick her up the next day and take her home before work and she has been home since and she has pain.. but a different kind of pain, just like I had told her it was gonna be since her food would no longer be broken, but in place.. now comes the healing time! I took her to her follow up appointment this past wednesday and they took out her cast and whoa! she has 30 stitches in 3 sides of her foot! but they look beautiful! no infection.. it would be a nurse to say that stitches look beautiful!
Anyway... this month has been great. My marriage has gotten stronger and we have been showing each other love like when we first got together. I did tell Mark we needed to focus on each other but it was really me that was just being an ass and not wanting to spend any time with him and ignoring him and always picking a fight.. I was very mean and I talked to my mom about it and she was telling me that it was indeed wrong of me to treat him that way and I'm glad I slapped myself back to reality.. is like hey Jen, you have a great husband.. who doesn't turn his head not even once to look at another woman, has stuck with you and will continue to stick with you during the whole infertility ordeal, who treats you right! what more do you want!?! Exactly.. what more do I want is what I asked myself.. Answer is: nothing, I have everything I can ask for already.. I want a baby and have a family with him... but well.. with time. right?!
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Thursday, January 5, 2012
OMG is cold in here!
So the point of my title is that I have a cold heart.. or I feel like I am a bitter person... geez, I was NEVER like that! So that is no bueno.... Don't get me wrong... I am ecstatic for friends that find out they just became pregnant... especially those that have been trying for a while and the stick finally turned positive... BUT what hurts me.... is like really? You HAVE to send me a pic of your pregnancy test?? I really don't want to see it.. I mean come on.. don't be so insensitive.. there are other ways to tell someone you are preggers... I don't mind it but personally.. at the time of my life I am in right now I really don't want to see it.. I had already told myself and Mark that we were no longer going to try.. that I was just too heartbroken.. THEN, my period decides to make an appearance... and I find 30 tablets of Clomid stashed in my pharmacy drawer... and Mark happens to see them and its like baby why don't we just try again?! I know he is VERY excited to try but I also know it hurts him so much when we don't get pregnant.. MONTH AFTER MONTH. Its been 4 1/2 YEARS since we have been TTC. Not many people know what we feel and are going through. So we may try this cycle, I don't know yet. I do know that we are looking into adoption agencies now and looking for a beautiful baby in hopes of God blessing us as parents for our angel. :)
I am so blogging here at St. Lukes Episcopal Hospital while we wait for my mother to have her surgery to repair her foot. I still cannot believe she broke her foot in 3 places!! Poor thing is in so much pain and she is scheduled for her surgery at 9:15AM. Lots of prayers being sent her way!
XOXO
I am so blogging here at St. Lukes Episcopal Hospital while we wait for my mother to have her surgery to repair her foot. I still cannot believe she broke her foot in 3 places!! Poor thing is in so much pain and she is scheduled for her surgery at 9:15AM. Lots of prayers being sent her way!
XOXO
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Happy New Year 2012!!
So today is January 1st, 2012!! I feel blessed to have gone through another year of life. I didn't blog at all last month so Im thinking I need to do a little recap
December 2011- Our job switched to 12 hour shifts so now I only work mon/tues/fri and get every weekend off which honestly? Its freaking awesome! I love it minus the whole 8 hour paycut but hey, we manage. In November I had did a round of clomid in hopes we would receive our little miracle.. well I went to the doctor and got a blood test and well surprise surprise, im not pregnant. oh gee, bummer.. Its more like a joke for me now.. At this point I don't believe I will ever get pregnant and I started to feel that MAYBE I am just not meant to be a mother.. and at some point in this time.. I started to accept the reality of it. Also my doctor said he doesnt want to see me until I get my cycle.. like really?? Thank goodness for provera but at this point.. I don't want to try anymore. I deserve to be happy. I was off on Christmas so we celebrated with family and went to my aunts house and played the white elephant which if anyone who does not know my family would think we are all a bunch of alcoholics! We had a $20 gift limit and most of us wrapped up liquor bottles. Above all, it was pretty fun! Then, me, hubby and mom, Esther and mark's grandma came to my house and we opened up our presents and we all received amazing gifts. Mark bought me a beautiful coach purse and wristlet BUT the coach purse he had bought me wasn't the one that was wrapped and tucked under our tree, it turns out they gift wrapped the wrong purse so we went the next day to go and get the correct one and boy he has great taste it was one I really loved and wanted! So then lets go to December 27th, my mom took a wrong step on her porch so she wouldn't step on the cat and she fell and broke her foot! I was asleep and dreaming so when my phone was ringing I did not hear a thing. Mark's phone then rang and I heard it because he has this annoying song playing he told me it was my mom and I mumbled to him to tell her im sleeping. He hangs up and casually tells me it was my aunt and she said your mom broke her foot. I simply told him ok and then within a couple seconds I was like WHAT? What do you mean my mom broke her foot!?! Boy was I awake then! So I start calling my mom, my aunt drove her to St. Lukes. They didn't want me to go but she is my MOM so I went and it turns out my mom broke her foot in two places and will need surgery. They put her in a splint gave her a shot of morphine and sent her on her way. Poor thing I feel so bad for her. The next day I called the Orthopaedic surgeon and made an appointment for thursday at 230 they said. We go and the surgeon does another xray and he said its broken in 3 places not two! They put my mommy in a boot that cost $335 and she will have surgery on the 5th of January. Thankfully I am off that day so I can be there with her and the next day hopefully one of my aunts or someone can be there for her because I will be at work. =/ Someone has to work. But her incident made me open my eyes that I really need to get a great insurance from work or something incase that ever happens to me because she will be receiving disability.. if that was me.. I don't think I'd be able to get disability.
Which comes to how we spent New Years Eve, we spent it with my mom, just mom, marks grandma, mark and Esther. Mark was asleep when midnight hit and I woke up 2 min. before and was in the restroom peeing when midnight hit.. New Years just wasn't the same as the years before but hey sometimes there isn't much to do.. I didn't really want to celebrate it big with my mom in pain but I did want to just spend the night with her.
So for New Years.. I have many resolutions in mind. I rather not discuss them because once I do, I won't go through with any of them so I'd rather just keep them to myself.
Only thing.. for the new year.. We are no longer trying to conceive. We are going to enjoy life. Work on our marriage. Work on us. Travel. And above everything.. just try and be happy.. It just isn't meant to be.. and im ok with that.. up until people talk about it. Which seriously? I don't want to talk about it!
XOXO
December 2011- Our job switched to 12 hour shifts so now I only work mon/tues/fri and get every weekend off which honestly? Its freaking awesome! I love it minus the whole 8 hour paycut but hey, we manage. In November I had did a round of clomid in hopes we would receive our little miracle.. well I went to the doctor and got a blood test and well surprise surprise, im not pregnant. oh gee, bummer.. Its more like a joke for me now.. At this point I don't believe I will ever get pregnant and I started to feel that MAYBE I am just not meant to be a mother.. and at some point in this time.. I started to accept the reality of it. Also my doctor said he doesnt want to see me until I get my cycle.. like really?? Thank goodness for provera but at this point.. I don't want to try anymore. I deserve to be happy. I was off on Christmas so we celebrated with family and went to my aunts house and played the white elephant which if anyone who does not know my family would think we are all a bunch of alcoholics! We had a $20 gift limit and most of us wrapped up liquor bottles. Above all, it was pretty fun! Then, me, hubby and mom, Esther and mark's grandma came to my house and we opened up our presents and we all received amazing gifts. Mark bought me a beautiful coach purse and wristlet BUT the coach purse he had bought me wasn't the one that was wrapped and tucked under our tree, it turns out they gift wrapped the wrong purse so we went the next day to go and get the correct one and boy he has great taste it was one I really loved and wanted! So then lets go to December 27th, my mom took a wrong step on her porch so she wouldn't step on the cat and she fell and broke her foot! I was asleep and dreaming so when my phone was ringing I did not hear a thing. Mark's phone then rang and I heard it because he has this annoying song playing he told me it was my mom and I mumbled to him to tell her im sleeping. He hangs up and casually tells me it was my aunt and she said your mom broke her foot. I simply told him ok and then within a couple seconds I was like WHAT? What do you mean my mom broke her foot!?! Boy was I awake then! So I start calling my mom, my aunt drove her to St. Lukes. They didn't want me to go but she is my MOM so I went and it turns out my mom broke her foot in two places and will need surgery. They put her in a splint gave her a shot of morphine and sent her on her way. Poor thing I feel so bad for her. The next day I called the Orthopaedic surgeon and made an appointment for thursday at 230 they said. We go and the surgeon does another xray and he said its broken in 3 places not two! They put my mommy in a boot that cost $335 and she will have surgery on the 5th of January. Thankfully I am off that day so I can be there with her and the next day hopefully one of my aunts or someone can be there for her because I will be at work. =/ Someone has to work. But her incident made me open my eyes that I really need to get a great insurance from work or something incase that ever happens to me because she will be receiving disability.. if that was me.. I don't think I'd be able to get disability.
Which comes to how we spent New Years Eve, we spent it with my mom, just mom, marks grandma, mark and Esther. Mark was asleep when midnight hit and I woke up 2 min. before and was in the restroom peeing when midnight hit.. New Years just wasn't the same as the years before but hey sometimes there isn't much to do.. I didn't really want to celebrate it big with my mom in pain but I did want to just spend the night with her.
So for New Years.. I have many resolutions in mind. I rather not discuss them because once I do, I won't go through with any of them so I'd rather just keep them to myself.
Only thing.. for the new year.. We are no longer trying to conceive. We are going to enjoy life. Work on our marriage. Work on us. Travel. And above everything.. just try and be happy.. It just isn't meant to be.. and im ok with that.. up until people talk about it. Which seriously? I don't want to talk about it!
XOXO
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