I turned 24 on the 6th. Gosh I am getting OLD. and knowing I am 24 now.. it brought back the reminder of not being a mother. That we are suffering from infertility. I had put it in the back burner and thought to try and just forget about it.. but I've been feeling sad and angry lately I have nothing else to think about but to think of all the bad stuff. To think of nothing but negativity.. which I know is not a good thing, but heck sometimes I just can't help it and don't tell me you have never done so yourself when things are just at is worst. I know others have it worse than I do and I totally get it.. but comparing to how my life was just months ago makes me feel this is my worse.. it may not be worse than others, but its my worse. But enough about infertility, I still do not have a job. We are running out of time. We are running out of cash.. and surprise (NOT) the bills are still coming. Life is so hard and unfair. It really is!
I AM PRAYING TO GOD I GET A JOB SOON!!!
Once I have a job, we can move out of my mom's and have our own home and start feeling happy again. Don't get me wrong, I am happy being with my mom again but I need my space. I need my privacy, my husband needs his privacy... and it doesn't feel amazing going into the garage every day and seeing my household goods still in boxes. When just 3 months ago they were so nicely kept in a home we had made for each other in El Paso. It wasn't the best home, but it was a place we called home. I want that back. I will get that back. baby steps and patience right??
GOD, Please hear my prayer tonight.. the same one you have heard every night since we have been back in Houston.
On top of everything.. slowly but surely we are getting used to being back in Houston. It sure does take time.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Last two months....
Wow, So I haven't blogged in 3 months.. that's a long time considering everything that has happened in my life!! So many changes! ok.. First off, life doesn't come with a map. so SCRATCH OUT everything I said 3 months ago! Forget my husband becoming Sergeant, forget a wonderful fertility doctor I crossed paths with in El Paso, forget everything. I have no idea where to start so i'll just start off with events from April and May..
April
First and foremost, I'd like to announce that I am officially a Licensed Vocational Nurse! I passed the Nclex! :) Now.. the OB/GYN ordered lab work, he also got me started on provera to induce my period so he can check my hormones during my cycle. I had two lab orders to do, I only did one. I did a follow up with him and he told me my hormones in the beginning of my cycle are in normal range! I know we have been TTC for almost 4 years but COME ON! NORMAL?? I'm sorry, but what is NORMAL?!! So far everything seems to be normal with me EXCEPT for the fact that I have POLY CYSTIC OVARIES. Its only my ovaries that are the problem. He wanted to schedule me for surgery. He wanted to perform Laparoscopy. He said the procedure would benefit me to get rid of the cysts and then with fertility meds or a possible IUI give me a higher chance in getting pregnant. He seemed pretty hopeful but then again he is not God.
Well... my chances to have gone through all this with this amazing doctor went down the drain when my husband informed me we had less than one month to ETS. I was shocked at first, I thought everything was A-Okay and good to go on Re enlistment. Heck I was just waiting for him to tell me when the re-enlistment ceremony was going to be, when he was going to AIT for his reclass. I was just waiting for answers, not for this. He worked so hard! It seriously feels like he worked for NOTHING. Ok.. so we have less than a month for move from El Paso. Thank God for savings. I informed my mom of the moving date and she told me she was going to come over here to help me pack and clean the house and get it ready for final inspection. I really did not have time for anything April went by so fast and I wasn't ready for this huge change to happen. The week that we moved, that monday early morning I drove one car home with Butters, because I honestly did NOT want to drive that entire ride home with all our HHG with this 60lb dog! Tuesday afternoon, Mom and I got on the bus back to El Paso. We arrived wednesday early morning and we just had breakfast, and got to packing and removing all the furniture from the bedrooms. Thursday came around; that morning we had our carpets professionally cleaned. ok two rooms down. Afterwards we went to go pick up the U-haul. Drove back to the house and started loading up with the big stuff first. Well we loaded everything up and it took us ALL DAY! We even ran out of boxes.. Mark and I fought it was just a huge mess we just weren't ready for all this. but it was happening. We even ran out of room... but I want to say it was because we just got so fed up with everything we started to be unorganized and not loading up correctly. I called Danielle and asked her if she can pick up some of this stuff and hold it for me since we were coming back to El Paso after dropping off our belongings in Houston. Yes we drove back! Anyway, around 11pm-midnight we finally left the house and Danielle was nice enough to let us stay at her home since mine was already emptied. I did not have time to clean but we tried, but it just looked so dusty I knew we weren't going to pass inspection. Oh well, shit happens. The next morning, Friday April 29th... Mark and I drove back to our soon to be old home so we can final out with housing. Then we made our journey back to Texas in the super long I-10 road! Boy was that a horrible ride home! We had problems with the stupid U-haul overheating and whatnot.. but I just prayed to God and we made it back.... at least for the weekend since Mark had some unfinished business with Fort Bliss. That Saturday my family threw us a surprise welcome home party! it was awesome! I teared up lol
May
That monday, May 2nd, we made our journey back to El Paso. Mark still had to clear Fort Bliss (bunch of idiots wouldnt let him on friday they said he HAD to clear on tuesday) and we needed to pick up the rest of our stuff from Danielle's. The drive back was a DRAG... the entire time mark and I were literally just telling each other why are we going back, our home is not there anymore. we were pretty bummed about it. but its life. Tuesday we went on post, cleared Fort Bliss, turned in paperwork for travel reimbursement, said our goodbye to the gorgeous PX and had dinner with the Tulcus' for the last time. We left that night after we had a nap.. The rest of the days we're pretty boring.. we just settled into our room... got the dogs settled.. I had a scentsy party which was a success... and lots of job applications... Job hunting sucks. Did I mention depression is kicking in?? Well it is.
April
First and foremost, I'd like to announce that I am officially a Licensed Vocational Nurse! I passed the Nclex! :) Now.. the OB/GYN ordered lab work, he also got me started on provera to induce my period so he can check my hormones during my cycle. I had two lab orders to do, I only did one. I did a follow up with him and he told me my hormones in the beginning of my cycle are in normal range! I know we have been TTC for almost 4 years but COME ON! NORMAL?? I'm sorry, but what is NORMAL?!! So far everything seems to be normal with me EXCEPT for the fact that I have POLY CYSTIC OVARIES. Its only my ovaries that are the problem. He wanted to schedule me for surgery. He wanted to perform Laparoscopy. He said the procedure would benefit me to get rid of the cysts and then with fertility meds or a possible IUI give me a higher chance in getting pregnant. He seemed pretty hopeful but then again he is not God.
Well... my chances to have gone through all this with this amazing doctor went down the drain when my husband informed me we had less than one month to ETS. I was shocked at first, I thought everything was A-Okay and good to go on Re enlistment. Heck I was just waiting for him to tell me when the re-enlistment ceremony was going to be, when he was going to AIT for his reclass. I was just waiting for answers, not for this. He worked so hard! It seriously feels like he worked for NOTHING. Ok.. so we have less than a month for move from El Paso. Thank God for savings. I informed my mom of the moving date and she told me she was going to come over here to help me pack and clean the house and get it ready for final inspection. I really did not have time for anything April went by so fast and I wasn't ready for this huge change to happen. The week that we moved, that monday early morning I drove one car home with Butters, because I honestly did NOT want to drive that entire ride home with all our HHG with this 60lb dog! Tuesday afternoon, Mom and I got on the bus back to El Paso. We arrived wednesday early morning and we just had breakfast, and got to packing and removing all the furniture from the bedrooms. Thursday came around; that morning we had our carpets professionally cleaned. ok two rooms down. Afterwards we went to go pick up the U-haul. Drove back to the house and started loading up with the big stuff first. Well we loaded everything up and it took us ALL DAY! We even ran out of boxes.. Mark and I fought it was just a huge mess we just weren't ready for all this. but it was happening. We even ran out of room... but I want to say it was because we just got so fed up with everything we started to be unorganized and not loading up correctly. I called Danielle and asked her if she can pick up some of this stuff and hold it for me since we were coming back to El Paso after dropping off our belongings in Houston. Yes we drove back! Anyway, around 11pm-midnight we finally left the house and Danielle was nice enough to let us stay at her home since mine was already emptied. I did not have time to clean but we tried, but it just looked so dusty I knew we weren't going to pass inspection. Oh well, shit happens. The next morning, Friday April 29th... Mark and I drove back to our soon to be old home so we can final out with housing. Then we made our journey back to Texas in the super long I-10 road! Boy was that a horrible ride home! We had problems with the stupid U-haul overheating and whatnot.. but I just prayed to God and we made it back.... at least for the weekend since Mark had some unfinished business with Fort Bliss. That Saturday my family threw us a surprise welcome home party! it was awesome! I teared up lol
May
That monday, May 2nd, we made our journey back to El Paso. Mark still had to clear Fort Bliss (bunch of idiots wouldnt let him on friday they said he HAD to clear on tuesday) and we needed to pick up the rest of our stuff from Danielle's. The drive back was a DRAG... the entire time mark and I were literally just telling each other why are we going back, our home is not there anymore. we were pretty bummed about it. but its life. Tuesday we went on post, cleared Fort Bliss, turned in paperwork for travel reimbursement, said our goodbye to the gorgeous PX and had dinner with the Tulcus' for the last time. We left that night after we had a nap.. The rest of the days we're pretty boring.. we just settled into our room... got the dogs settled.. I had a scentsy party which was a success... and lots of job applications... Job hunting sucks. Did I mention depression is kicking in?? Well it is.
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